My confessions:
Alone again, one AM. You're next to me, but you're not really here. And I lay here and I wonder. I wonder why. I wonder how. I wonder how much, how many, how far gone are you? My mind races and races and all that time, your mind sleeps.
And I worry and I pray and I beg God to give me the answers. Beg Him to give me the hope, the peace, the understanding. And you sleep.
And I question and I analyze and I beg my brain to just rest. I beg my mind to slow down, stop. But it doesn't. And you sleep.
And I check to see if you are breathing, check your temperature, check the color of your face and the tightness of your stomach. And I watch, and I pray. And you sleep.
Time ticks by, and I lay wide awake, watching you sleep and I worry that one day you won't wake up. And so I stay awake--watching, checking, hoping.
I wish you were here.
5 Things that No One Tells You about having an alcoholic husband:
1. You will miss him every second, even when you are furious at him.
2. You will feel a huge sense of loss for him when you watch life go by and realize what he is missing.
3. You will never, ever stop hoping that God will thaw his heart and that addiction will lose the battle.
4. You will constantly walk a thin line between understanding that alcohol is a disease and not understanding why your husband isn't fighting against it and seeking a cure.
5. You will fight the battle alongside him for as long as you can, and you will constantly question how much longer you can hold on, but you WILL hold on, because you love him.
